In this week’s Friday Musing’s I’m taking an excerpt from my recent masterclass called “From Crone to Queen”. In this excerpt we take a look at the second phase in a woman’s life known as the Mother stage.
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For context, the masterclass covers the three stages of identity in a womans lifespan. As I researched this I found the words, maiden – mother – crone! We start our early adulthood as the Maiden before moving on to the Mother stage and finally evolving into the Crone stage. Societely the first stage is hugely celebrated, you only have to look on the cover of every magazine, the adverts we are fed to see this! Unfortunately sometimes that means celebrating the stereotypes and not acknowledging the woman underneath it all.
The Mother stage is about creation.
The thing that I find really interesting is that it’s such a powerful time in a woman’s life because yes, she is creating, she’s fertile, it’s sexuality, it’s producing and its creation, yet this is probably the place where most women lose their identity the most.
It’s almost like the stage of life takes over the woman, that suddenly she is a mum and that feels like all she is. I have no end of women who come to me who have said; “You know, I had the kids and I just lost who I was, I used to be into my fitness, and I used to get excited about what what happening in life, and now I just don’t get excited about any of it. Where am I? Who am I? Where do I fit into this whole situation?”
Also, there is a huge problem with this stage for those women who choose not to have children. I have many clients and friends who don’t have children through choice or circumstance.
With so much focus on the mother it leaves women that have decided not to have children or that couldn’t have children feeling unfulfilled, misunderstood and isolated. Some women don’t even know what to say to a woman that’s chosen not to have kids. In fact, I had a friend of mine, who has chosen not to have kids, she was in a conversation with a guy and she said; “Oh, yeah, I’ve just chosen not to have kids.” And he was like, “What? What’s your reason for living then?” I’m sorry…What?
How do we navigate this life stage?
It’s easier to navigate when we’re in maiden because we don’t know any better? At that point we’re brave, bold, young and fearless!
When we move into the mother identity, no one tells you about how differently you’ll be perceived. No one forewarns you. You have your baby, and hopefully you’re happy, but nobody tells you about the other side of things. Nobody tells you that your identity will now shift forever and that if you’re not careful you “just” become seen as Mum.
Again, the same can apply when you choose not to have children because people just don’t know where to put you in their minds. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’ve been at events and lunches where somebody said, “Oh, no, I haven’t got kids by choice?” and the response is a dumbfounded expression that says “What do you mean, you don’t want children?
What we need to remind ourselves is that mother means creation! That doesn’t necessarily just have to mean creating children. It can be creativity in any way. And that’s what we need to be celebrating. I have found my 40’s to be the best stage of my life so far, I’m actually becoming her….that vision I imagined when I was a mere maiden! I wouldn’t go back to that stage for all the money in the world! I feel to many women look back with rose tinted glasses. I think nostalgia is dangerous! Often in reality the fearlessness, bravery and confidence of our youth is just a front to fit in!
What we’re talking about here is us reclaiming these latter stages of life. To make them mean, what we want them to mean and to feel empowered in every stage. I want to live in a world where the better it gets, the better it gets for women.
But this is a choice, one that has to made daily, consciously and with intention.
If this resonates with you and you want to go deeper into this subject you’ll definitely enjoy the masterclass replay of From Crone To Queen in my Free Facebook Group – The Ever Evolving Woman
Just click the link above to join us.