It’s Time To Change The Paradigm!

by | Mar 12, 2021

Do well – but don’t to TOO well!

We need to change the paradigm!

I want to address a very real thing! One of the questions I love to ask my clients, who are on the road to achievement is…. 

“Who loses if you win?” 

In NLP it’s called the ‘ecology’ when we look at if/how our achievement/goal/desire will negatively impact those we care about. 

You see normally that answer to this question is a straight no, all the people that love me will be happy for me right??

Not necessarily! 

I’d like to say before I go on that MOST of the time they don’t know they are doing it and if they do they can find it hard to understand why, so this is not one of those ‘cut these people out your life’ messages, in this context, I don’t believe that is the way forward. 

This shows up in all areas…

Be successful… but not too successful…

Be fit and healthy… but don’t get too obsessed…

Be wealthy… but not too wealthy…

Be happy… but not too happy…

It is a fact that when we are trying to improve an area of our life or change in any way, this acts as a mirror to those around us. This mirror can feel uncomfortable. It can start to make them feel bad about themselves, then for some, they can start to try and sabotage your change by being that friend that says…

“Oh have a pudding, treat yourself”

…again they are not always doing this with that intention. It’s not actually about you, it’s about how they feel about themselves around you. 

It is my belief that if more people knew their worth and potential they would be less threatened by other peoples’ success in any area.

Instead of looking for ways to tear someone down and point out the fact that they have ‘changed’ and that be a negative thing, they would see it as inspiration, rise themselves, and cheer us on no matter how high we ascended.

When someone says

“she/he has changed”

What they actually mean is

“I no longer feel good around you’

…it calls them to rise. But their fear of failure and disappointment is so strong and their ego is running the show which makes it near impossible for them to rise themselves. Even though they are just as capable! 

Then there is us. Underneath all the procrastination, excuses, self-sabotage are these questions…

If I succeed, if I achieve my desires…

Will I still be loved?

Will I still be liked?

Will I still fit in?

It always comes down to this.

For me, the question is this

“Is becoming the truest, most fully expressed version of myself worth potentially making other people uncomfortable enough for them to look in the mirror and say “What if…”

You fucking bet it is! 

If you desire it, it’s yours… 

I love you! Have a great weekend!


  1. Kerry

    Wow, this is very true. I can totally relate to this.
    People don’t mean to put you don’t sometimes, your changes just highlight to them what they need to do to make themselves happy.

  2. Ruth McDonald

    Love this ! I need to read it often xxx

  3. Siobhan

    Absolutely love this. It is so true. I experience this so many times and I have always let it hold me back because I think being ‘liked’ is more important. Still a massive hurdle that I am working on.

  4. Kay

    Your words ring so true for me and I was just thinking the same the other day.

    A friend of mine said “oh I don’t like it when you loose too much weight, I prefer you with a little more weight on you” and he’s said this in the past. I’ve never replied to this until this year. I’m finally feeling good about myself and love how I look and feel. My response now is
    “but I feel good, I feel the best I ever have”

    I’m no size 0 and that’s ok with me. Others will have their opinions but I no longer let that change something so positive about me.

Meet Charlotte

Meet Charlotte

I’m here to help facilitate dramatic change in your life. This dramatic change first and foremost an inside job but the ripple effect of that change will be seen and felt in your external experience.

My goal is to help you own your story, use its lessons to step into your power and walk unapologetically into the life you know you are here to create! 

I love a woman who wants more …….. you insert what’s relevant to you. More love, joy, happiness, abundance, experience, connection, you decide. 

It does not matter to me what you do! Entrepreneur, career women, housewife, working mother with kids. What matters to me is how you feel, about yourself and your life. 

You see I believe that if you have that feeling in your stomach, you know the “there must be more than this’ feeling then we have to talk.

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