Today we are talking about connection.
So, connection is something that runs through everything that I do. The first place that we look at connection or where I like to look at connection is is connection to our story. It is my belief that our ability to connect and to disconnect are equally as important. When I start working with somebody, the first thing I get them to do is tell me their story. Because the story, the narrative, the set of circumstances that have led us to a specific point in our lives, is depicted by of our view of what’s happened to us so far.
I do timeline my therapy within my work, it’s a tool that I use and one of the things I love about that is that it allows us to look at our story from a 30,000 foot view. When we can disconnect from the event, and actually just look at it from almost a detached, disconnected view and we ask ourselves;
“What’s going on here? What’s was going on for me at the time? Where was I? How was I feeling? What situation was I in? What were my beliefs at the time?”
We can start to separate ourselves from that core belie or thought of “well, because this happened, this is this is why I’m like I am.”
When we allow ourselves to disconnect momentarily from an event or situation, it allows us to gain perspective, which allows us to be open minded enough to maybe see a different view, which in turn can change how we think, feel, and behave accordingly with regards to what happened.
So that’s always really, really powerful and it’s the way that I completely transformed my own story and therefore, it’s the thing that I like to use, when I’m talking to people about their story.
We also have to be able to connect to our feelings and to our emotions, because if we spend our entire life just swallowing them down, covering them up and putting a wall up, then we are really, really not allowing ourselves to have the fullest experience of our life.
We have the ability to feel, to connect to ourselves and ask…”What is this emotion like? How am I feeling?” and then allowing ourselves to feel this wholeheartedly and not be frightened of it.
One of the things I love to talk about is no emotion is bad. We are emotional beings, we are human beings, we were given emotions for a reason, we are allowed to feel them. I think sometimes society tells us to suppress our feelings, especially men, you know, it’s difficult, you know the saying “man up” or “woman” up and all that and I just think it’s really, really disruptive because repressed feelings just stay stored up.
While they’re stored up they start to skew our view of the world, they start to alter our lens of how we view a situation, a person, a circumstance, an event, and so our view becomes distorted.
We’ve got to learn to connect to our emotions and consciously ask ourselves “I’m feeling this, how am I feeling it?” and allow ourselves to feel it. One of the best things I ever heard about emotion is that the word is E—>Motion, we have to be able to move through it. And we can’t move through it unless we learn how to connect to it.
I also talk a lot about connection to our bodies, like how can we love it if we aren’t connected to it. In my program, All Woman Wellness, (which is essentially a self love, personal growth program through the eyes of wellness) one of the things that I’ve been, fascinated and astounded to witness is how disconnected women are from their bodies, how this shame and those negative self talks and the constant criticism always manifests itself in the way we think and feel and behave which shows itself in our habits around food, exercise and wellness.
We have to learn to connect to our bodies, like the vessel that we’ve been given, that we’ve been blessed to be given and if it works as it should, you are the most blessed person on the planet, because health is wealth, right?
We’ve also got to talk about our connection to our desires. Now, this is a massive one for me, and something that I’ve really, really been leaning into a lot recently. In fact, I’ve got a program coming up about it (Doors Open Now – Click here for more info).
Why would we desire it if it we weren’t capable of having it, if it wasn’t available to us and we weren’t able to achieve it? So for me, if I’m given a desire, or if I desire something, I just trust that my only job is to get out of my own way in order to walk towards it.
This fear of success is far more potent than fear of failure and I believe it is especially more potent for women. I could be wrong, but obviously I work with women and it’s become noticeably prevalent with almost all the groups of women in my world. What I’ve noticed is that there is this fear of desire, this fear of “I want something!” I don’t know about you but when I was a kid, the “I want doesn’t get” was a very common thing said in my household. So this fear of desire, the fear of pleasure, fear of putting ourselves first and fear of not being selfless, because selflessness is the highest accolade a woman can achieve in societies eyes and well, I disagree completely. I think to be selfless, in some moments is honorable but to have selfless as a goal for life, I think is damaging. So, I believe that if we have a desire, if we are given a desire, and I believe that they are given to us, if we are given a desire, then it’s ours.
Where we go wrong is when the desire is given and then our humaneness gets in the way. We start to rationalise and find reasons as to why we can’t have it. So if we have a desire, I trust that it’s mine and I trust that my job is just to get out of the way. This is also what I help other women do too.
Lastly, I want to touch on a connection to something bigger than ourselves. I have faith, the word faith, tattooed on my wrist for a reason, and you can call it what you like, whether you call it God or source or the universe, or whatever you call it, it doesn’t really matter. The point is, is that I think in order to feel really fulfilled and to achieve real happiness, we have to have a faith that there is something other than us, that there is something guiding us whether that be someone or something.
I have complete faith in that and and since I’ve leaned more into that, things in my life have become much easier, because I have this faith that I am guided, that I am supported.
I trust that my intuition will never let me down and every time I’ve ignored my intuition, “I’ve come a Cropper”. So building faith in the fact that if you desire something, you are being led in the direction of that something that’s going to make your life happier, more fulfilled and more connected. We just have to trust that!
I always say to the women in my programs that the part of you that brought you to this program, and I can say the same thing to you, the part of you that is that listening/watching or reading this right now is the part of you that is trying to pull you towards a more happy fulfilled life. Because, if you didn’t have that desire for something different, for something more connected or more fulfilled, then you wouldn’t even be sat consuming this right now. You’d just be off doing whatever.
So it’s that part of you that you need to trust. That part of you that pulls you towards certain things, things that you feel drawn to. Trust that part of you because that is what faith is. Faith for me is trusting that no matter what your head is saying that you trust the thing that’s pulling your soul in that direction, because for me that has only led to good things.
For more information about upcoming things “and there’s some really exciting things coming) you can check through the programs on this site and follow me on social.
If you’re not in my free Facebook group, I’m inviting you to come join us in the Ever Evolving Woman Group for a safe space to learn and connect in a safe space with a community of simply awesome women.